A Canadian Abroad: A (Definitely Not Complete) Linguistic Guide to Living in England

Over the last year and a bit, I've somewhat started to figure out exactly what these British people are saying. This is a (definitely not exhaustive) list of some of the slang terms I have picked up/heard while living across the pond. Enjoy!

Expressions

• Hello, how are you--alright? (Asked as a question...still not sure if people actually want a response.)
• Don't you think/do you agree--innit (used in the same way that Canadians say 'eh')
• Bad--mingin' (I think...I still can't quite catch this one)
• Going well--tickety-boo (seriously? No sweet clue)
• Get drunk--get pissed
• Party/fancy occasion--do (Example: "went to a fancy do last night")
• Thank you--cheers/ta
• "Insert general term of frustration"--bloody hell, blimey
• Go to the bathroom (for men, usually)--take a slash
• If something has gone wrong--pear-shaped (example: "it's all gone pear-shaped!), tits up
• The equivalent of "that's what she said," or something to mark a double entendre--Said the actress to the bishop
• The next one takes a bit of explanation. When I hear the word 'cottaging,' I figure that it means that a person is going to their cottage. In England, the term cottaging means for two men to engage in sexual acts in a parked car while others may or may not watch.

Insults

• To make fun of someone--take the mick/take the mickey, take the piss
• Get out of here--piss off, jog on, sod off
• Idiot--prat, git, sod, twat, eejit (I think this is an Irish one..?)
• Someone rather flamboyant, of the possible homosexual variety--pouf
• A skank--slag
• To call someone a penis (the equivalent of dickhead, I think)--bender, knob

Body Parts

• Boobs--top-bollocks
• A man's genitals--bollocks, knob, willy (Note: bollocks can also be used as an expression of doubt. Example: "you're full of bollocks!")
• A woman's "lady bits"--front-bottom, fanny (my students thought it was hilarious that fanny meant butt in Canada)

Objects

• Greyhound Bus--coach
• Truck--lorry
• Trailer (mini home)--caravan
• Rubber gloves--marigolds
• Cigarettes--fag, baccy
• Rubber boots--wellies
• Hot drink (usually tea or coffee)--cuppa
• Clothes rack--clothes horse
• Hickey--love bite
• Food--nosh
• Underwear--pants
• Pants (jeans, dress pants, etc)--trousers
• Money--dosh
• Eraser--rubber (this one caused a lot of confusion)
• White-out--tipex
• Glue sticks--pritsticks
• Document wallet--polly pockets
• Dessert, of most any variety--pudding
• Garbage can--bin

Miscellaneous—objects/words

• Americans--Yanks
• Supper--tea (e.g.--I made pasta for tea last night)
• Procrastinate--faff, faff about
• Avoid work--skive
• Back yard--garden
• Car hood--bonnet
• Car trunk--boot
• Fight--batter him/bang him out
• Cool--Safe, sick
• Uncool--dread
• Move over--budge up
• Skip school--wag it
• Nothing--nuffink
• Friend--bruv/blood
• The equivalent of a wanna-be tough guy/thug--chav
• Soccer--football (I'd be shot at dawn if I didn't include this one)
• Amazed about something--gobsmacked
• Disappointed by something--gutted
• Nap/sleep-kip
• Tired--knackered
• Very--jolly (example: "jolly good!")
• To wear civilian clothes (for example, my students want a day at school where they don't have to wear their uniform)--mufti
• Steal--nick
• To pleasure yourself--have a wank
• Whine--whinge (to whine is to whinge....to be a whiner is to be a whinger)
• Attractive--fit, bang tidy
• Something--sumthink/summit
• Call someone--ring them
• Fight--row
• To annoy or antagonize someone--wind them up
• Homeless person--tramp, dosser
• Bathroom--toilet, loo (very direct, eh)
• Pound (as in unit of weight)--measured in 'stones.' One stone equals 14 pounds. Therefore, your weight could be 8 stone 2 pound which translates to 114 pound. Somewhat confusing.

I'm sure that I've left out a lot. Please do forgive the oversight. Also, I didn't even think of touching the unfathomable Cockney rhyming slang. When the "taters in mould" (apparently a term for it being cold outside...) come out, I've got no idea what the hell these people are saying. I'm also realizing that these terms are not applicable to all of England, and all of the different counties/regions have their own slang...becoming fluent in "British" is going to take some serious time investment. Hope you enjoyed!