A Few Reasons Why

Today made me step back from all of the crap that you spout when you're training to be a teacher (the..I want to be a teacher because I want to motivate the younger generations. I want to change the world, one child at a time blah blah blah...All that stuff) and realize why I became a teacher.

Going to school this morning, I was exhausted, cold, and still thinking about Tyler passing away. My 'tough' Year 9 class files in, the kids are swearing, throwing stuff at each other and across the room, yelling and shouting. The usual. But, by the end of that 50 minutes, I was smiling again. I can't explain why, but being with my students again made me happy. Thinking about Tyler's death made me realize that I do appreciate all of my students...even if they drive me nuts some days with their behaviour, I like them beyond the 'student' part. I like them as people. I wish I'd thought to tell that to all of my students that I've ever come into contact with.

Last lesson of the day, my free lesson, I had plans to do my marking. Coffee all made, marking pens at the ready and background music to slightly distract me every once in awhile. Suddenly, the door opens up and one of my 'tough as nails and can't be bothered' girls walks into my classroom. She sit down on the table and begins to pour out all of the stuff that's been going through her head and why she just can't deal with today. This girl, who swears and shouts louder than the rest of them during my lesson and can often be seen tearing down the hall with other students when she should be in lessons, came to me and showed me the trust I've been wanting to earn for the last 9 months. We talked about the serious stuff, what it was like to be a teenager, what we would change about education if we could and inconsequential stuff as well. The bell rang at the end of the day, she walked out of the class with a 'bye miss' and not a backwards glance.

She'll still act the same as always in class. Still give the 'can't bother to deal with it' attitude toward me, the work, school and life in general. But I know that the beautiful young woman that I talked to today is in there somewhere. And it's pretty awesome for me to think that she wanted to share that person with me. I haven't changed the world, I haven't motivated this girl to become a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon (didn't I somewhat encourage her to skip class by letting her just sit and chill with me when she should have been in lessons?) but I feel a difference. This is why. Days like today make me realize why I wanted to teach. Why all of the headaches, the endless meetings, the boring prep work, the behaviour that makes you want to pull your hair out and scream, the whatnots and so ons...why all of that is worth it for 50 minutes of talking to her, not as a teacher to pupil, 'grown-up' (God forbid) to kid but person to person. Realizing she trusted me enough to let me see another side of her. Realizing that these tough experiences bring amazing rewards. And these rewards aren't often tangible things. But you can't put a price on trust and respect.

My marking is still not done and I don't care in the least.

A Sad First

Today I experienced another 'first' as a teacher. Via Facebook (isn't everything via Facebook now?) I discovered that a young student of mine from my Carleton North internship died over the weekend. This is the first time, as a teacher, I've had a student pass away. I could've gone without this experience, that's for sure. It's strange, in a sense. He wasn't family, he wasn't a friend of mine. But he was important to me, while I was his teacher. Every morning when he would come into History, he was always smiling, joking and laughing. He was such a sweet boy, full of life, laughter and with so much ahead of him.

At 17 years old, you're far too young to be gone. Rest in peace, Tyler. I hope that wherever you are, in whatever form, you are happy and at peace.

Uuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhh.

There. That has been my day. Make that noise out loud and that has summed up Wednesday for me.

Work was busy today and, for whatever reason, I was just off. Just not all there, in a bit of an alright mood, but I'm not really a fan of Wednesday's. I have a tough class to finish the day and this week has been quite busy at school as the Year 11s are starting their exams and 2 of the earliest were the 2 English exams that my class had to sit.

Going into the exam, my students were nervous. They were unsure of the content, they didn't know how to answer the questions and I hear a lot of "Miss, I just...can't." It's not for lack of ability or lack of knowledge...the kids know it. They just don't know that they know it. I had a boy come in for help after school yesterday and he looked so upset about the thought of the exam. But, looking at his behaviour in class and the way he carries himself, you'd never think he'd be rocked by the thought of an English exam. But, he was. I felt so awful, I wish that I could sit the exam with them, give them all the help they wanted.

I talked with a colleague of mine about how I was feeling and she was saying that if I was a good teacher (since when did that happen??), I would feel like this. I would genuinely care about the students as people, worry about their feelings, care about their success and want them to do well--not because it would look good on me, but because you want the students to feel proud of their accomplishments. I repeat...ugggggggggh.

Aside from stressing for the year 11s about their exams, it was just a hectic day overall. Glad it's over...and it's onto Thursday!

PS, a very happy birthday to my wonderful dad!! Hope that he has a fantastic day :).

Hit the Dozen Mark!

In a fit of self-vanity, I decided to check my blog stats and I was pleased to see that my little blog has been read in 12 countries around the world :). Thanks to all who have read this blog and I hope that you decide to stick around for a few more (mis)adventures with me. This was the breakdown:

Thank you, dear Canadian readers, you were my top fans. Following...
United Kingdom (gotta have a home field advantage)
Norway
United States
Cayman Islands
Singapore
Denmark
South Korea
China
Germany
Australia
Indonesia

Sorry if I mistakenly left out a country or two :)...I'm going solely on the stats provided to me.

It's nice and slightly strange at the same time to think that my blog has been viewed over 1200 times. Either I have a very small, very dedicated fanbase, or my little blog is making its way out into the world. Still very little fish, big pond scenario going on but moving up in the world. Next target...20!

What's Been Going On?

12 more days! Not very long until I head back to Norway for yet another trip. Nothing of much interest has happened in the last couple of weeks, aside from lots of school and WWRY. I went on a school trip down to the West End to see the professional production of We Will Rock You and it was amazing! I had so much fun and it was great to see the show live to give me something to go by. I'm hoping that the Malcolm Arnold production of WWRY lives up, even if its just a fraction, to its West End counterpart.

I went to a Eurovision party at a colleague's home last night. It was so cheesy and awful, it was deliciously good. Eurovision, for those unawares, is a singing competition between the European nations, where one group/singer is chosen to represent their country in order to win a prize. After lots of cringe-worthy songs and some shocking outfits, the noble nation of Azerbaijan took the top spot. (I already saved you the trouble of Googling where the hell Azerbaijan is...it's a tiny country located on the coast of the Caspian Sea. Think Eastern Europe...you're getting close.) Following that, I met up with Aran's girlfriend, the marvelous Plamina, at a party hosted by one of her band mates. Tired as I was, it's always a good thing to meet new people.

On Tuesday, it will mark my 9-month anniversary here in England. I was told that it's at the 6-month point that a place really starts to feel like home. Does Northampton feel like that to me already? Not a chance. I've come to really enjoy being here, and I love living in Europe, but Northampton doesn't come close to home. Now that Aran (my new roommate) has moved in and settled, it's definitely better having him here and having someone to talk to and spend time with, but I still find that I see England as a temporary stay.

I'm not sure what is to come in the next couple of years. I have been hired on, long term, at MAA, so I do have the option of staying on, if I so choose to do. If England is to become a more permanent home, I have lots of things to consider...moving into my own place (one I can comfortably afford), getting a car (learning to drive on the wrong side of the road!), applying for citizenship...learning to like Marmite? Just kidding. That will never, ever happen.